


Bring Me Home

by UghRainbows



Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: M/M, inspired from a really good music, may be shitty haha but it's ok ig, my shortest os, you'll see it in the notes anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:20:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26189395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UghRainbows/pseuds/UghRainbows
Summary: /!\ WARNING THERE'S SPOILERS DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET I MEAN YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND ANYWAY /!\Oh love your words mean so muchAnd mine will too one dayYou don't need to believe me nowBut that day will come
Relationships: Neil/The Protagonist (Tenet)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	Bring Me Home

**Author's Note:**

> inspired from THIS song, Bring Me Home by Jaron: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNUoD199iRM  
> my first english work (i'm french), please be nice  
> my first work on ao3 dslkncsdnc  
> like, this is really a first in kind of everything, pardon my bad writing

Oh love, your words mean so much

I could not stop remembering. Even with my brain drowned with alcohol, everything was too clear. I was doomed, clearly. I could still hope that I could change things, once I’d see him, but Neil said it himself. What happened, happened. That was why I was sitting there, an empty glass in front of me, in an unknown bar. 

And mine will too one day

I knew that I was about to see Neil again, and that he’d smile, as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t fucking died picking a lock. Because that would be the truth. At that time of his life, nothing had happened. He had just finished his master’s degrees, and he was still young and innocent. The Neil I’d meet would be a pretty different Neil than the one I was used to. 

You don’t need to believe me now

I didn’t sleep at all, that night. It had been weeks since the old Neil died, and I was about to meet the young Neil the morning right after. It was quite disturbing, to say the least. Would I like his past self ? That was a question I didn’t want to know the answer. Of course, I thought, as stubborn as ever, why wouldn’t I, it’s still him after all. But I couldn’t help wondering, still doubting on everything. Of course, without him, I was only a mess of doubts and unanswered questions, but he’d be here to soothe me soon, young and fresh. Except this time, I’d be the one teaching him. 

But that day will come

Now was the time. The young Neil was entering the café, still unaware about what was going to happen. Exactly when the old Neil told me. He was smiling, and oh god, I missed that smile. Confident, happy, carefree. Exactly the expression old Neil told me he’d have. I remembered everything from what he told me that night, damn, I remembered every little detail about him, and everything he told me was exact. It was like it was a moment he didn’t want to forget, a moment engraved in his memory. 

« You’re gonna meet the past me one day, you know that ? » He said, his voice clear and a little raspy in the nocturnal silence. 

« What ? » I uttered, half awake and not sure to understand everything.

He looked at me, his face bathed in the moonlight. He was a few meters away from me, his bed against the opposite wall, staring right into my eyes. It was as if he didn’t sleep at all, as if he spent these empty silent hours just thinking about everything. Maybe it was the case. I never knew. Right at that moment, he looked so ethereal. My still sleepy brain could only admire him, unable to do anything else. Then, I realized he was smiling. His pure and gentle smile, the one he couldn’t help but to crack whenever I was being stupid, or doing something stupid. God, I wanted to kiss him so bad. Good thing we were meters away, in these stupid uncomfortable single beds. 

« One day, you’re gonna meet my past self », he slowly repeated, still smiling, his voice so quiet and so enveloping at the same time. « You’ll be in a café, and you’ll see me walk into it, from afar, at exactly 11:36am. I’ll be smiling, well, I was smiling, you know, my childish smile, the one that makes me look like i’m sixteen. And then, I’ll see you. And I promise you, I’m never gonna forget that moment. I never did. Neither will you. »

You’re beautiful, and I’m yours

I wasn’t sure when he finally saw me, but when he did, my heart skipped several beats. His smile changed slightly. He was still smiling, but it was more shy, maybe a little embarrassed. I walked to him mechanically, as if my brain gave up on everything except the young and bright man standing in front of me, and immediately introduced myself, offering him my hand :

« Hi, Neil. I have lots of things to tell you. »

His eyebrows furrowed a bit, intrigued but still kind of amused by the situation. God, I would’ve loved giving everything up and turning this meeting, or whatever this was, into a date, the image of ending up in his bare arms that night stuck in my head. But things don’t work this way. They never did. 

You’re all I’m looking for, all this time

« That’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard », he blurted, slowly sipping on his black coffee. Nevertheless, he was smiling. And even if he meant to mock me, I couldn’t help but laugh fondly and answer :

« Well, you’re gonna have to face a lot of stupid things soon then. »

And then, we were staring at each other, completely silent, unaware of everything that wasn’t us. His lips had went down, but his eyes were full of… so many things. Excitement, doubts, amusement, but also a little sparkle of wise sadness. As if he already knew what would happen in the future years, as if he already saw everything in my eyes from the moment I said that sentence. Maybe he did, he was really smart after all. And with that sparkle, he looked a little like the old Neil I was used to. He was breath-taking. I missed him so much.

You’re beautiful, and I’m yours

His laugh filled my ears. Once again. It was excited, maybe a little hysterical. He was just being young at this moment, caring about nothing but his happiness. Maybe it made me smile too, maybe it made me wish I was as young and ignorant as him, maybe it made me want to disappear from his life and let him be. But I couldn’t. I could only wish and hope, in vain. Because giving up wasn’t my role. My only role was to teach him about Tenet, prepare him for his end. What happened, happened. I couldn’t help it. 

His hair floating around with the sea wind. The reflects of the spring sun in his sweet blue eyes. His flashing bright smile directed at me. Everything made me want to get a taste of this surreal creature. Hard mission was what I had to do, but harder mission was to swallow my feelings and act natural. He was too much for me to ignore, too much for me not to care about in a weirdly excessive way, too much for me not to love.

I’m not at home

« And if you don’t see yourself at the other side, don’t go, ok ? It means you’re not gonna make it to the other side », I slowly declared, one hand on his shoulder, trying to get him to understand the gravity of the situation. 

« Alright, alright », he answered, brushing off my hand as he shrugged. « I’ll be cautious. It’s not like I’m gonna die anytime soon anyway, is it ? »

No. But in a few years, you will, I thought. He was somehow aware that I knew more about him and his future than he did, and he surprisingly seemed to be okay with it. Maybe he took the time to think about it. Maybe he realized it, one day, and just went « well, okay, that’s just one more complicated thing to live with. » This idea was quite pleasing and funny, but I knew deep down that he never thought like that. He wasn’t a child anymore, he cared about things. I could see it in his eyes somedays, the adult in him taking the control entirely , the childish-like excitement suddenly gone. And in these concentrated and serious features, I could see the old Neil, the one he was about to transform into.

I’m not at home

The young Neil was, in less and less points each day, different from the old Neil. First of all, he was younger. His face was clearer, his skin brighter and smoother. Second, he thought less before acting. It was something he was starting to work on, but I still often held him back from doing stupid things. I didn’t really dislike it though, his bright smile driving me crazy as he’d apologize and say that he’d ‘never do it again’, even though he wouldn’t hesitate one second before doing it again. Third, he was more clingy. I loved the idea of him being around me forever, never leaving my side, but I knew this could never happen. I knew he was meant to leave me one day, I knew we somehow didn’t really belong together.

So bring me home

« Y’know, I think i could never get over Vodka Tonics. » he uttered, seemingly drunk. « Dunno how you knew I’d love this but ya got some good taste. »

His cheeks were red, and his right hand was still in the air, as if he wanted to say something else, while the left one was holding his empty glass. He had his drunk smile, the one that made him look dreamy, sly and innocent at the same time. 

« I’m glad I do », I calmly answered.

I didn’t drink anything, that night. Contemplating him was enough for me to get drunk. 

Bring me home

Neil’s sleepy face was more or less buried by the covers, but his shiny drunk eyes were still exposed, staring almost creepily at my bare back. The hotel room was quite big, so we had space, but I still felt like that wasn’t enough. He shouldn’t have been staring at me like that. It wasn’t what we were supposed to do. There was no room for us in this world. 

« C’mon, issa bro thing, won’t kill ya », he pleaded, his voice muffled by the covers, but I could still hear his smile through them.

« No, I won’t sleep in the same bed as you. » I laughed, trying to sound casual even though bitterness was invading my mouth.

He protested, falling asleep in the middle of his inaudible cries. Then, silence. Now, I was alone, sitting on my bed with my clothes still on. Love didn’t have its place here. Neither had attachment. What a shame I couldn’t help both.

And when I’m home

« Fuck you ! Fuck you, you trickass… monster ! How could you not tell me before ?! We’re meant to tear apart in the worst conditions ever ! I hate you ! I… I don’t think I wanna be part of this anymore. »

I abruptly woke up, the nightmare already starting to get blurry as I opened my eyes wide to the dark above me. Except the dark had a weird shape. It was like… it was a human face. A really familiar human face.

« Hey dude, are you ok ? You look like you had a pretty bad dream », the shape worridly asked. Neil. 

« No, I’m… I don’t remember it anymore », I lied, forcing a smile on my lips.

Even if the images were blurry, I still remembered everything. I dreamt it almost every night. Him discovering everything, and hating me for that, before leaving. Because that was a possibility. Because who wouldn’t hate me with everything I’ve done, with every lie I’ve told ? He wasn’t that attached. He was a human, and I was a monster.

I’m right at home

« Hey, what if we went to Bangkok for like, a week or two ? »

« Why would we go to Bangkok ? »

« ‘Cause we can. »

« Sounds like a good answer to me. »

I miss you when you walk away

He laughed. Once again. This trip to Bangkok was a terrible idea for my feelings, but a wonderful one for my happiness. His skin was slightly tanned from Thailand’s hot sun, bringing out his clear blue eyes. Of course, everyone was looking at him. Maybe it was just because he was being too loud again, but the chances were it was because he was utterly magnificent like this. 

« Hey, wanna rent a boat ? » he excitedly asked, his eyes landing on the port next to us.

I laughed, sincerely, this time. He could’ve asked me anything like that, and I would’ve gladly said yes. And renting a boat was certainly far from the worst thing I could’ve done under his influence. 

I wish I could stay

« Oh God, don’t tell me it’s raining ! We went to Thailand for the sun, not for a damn thunderstorm ! » he complained, not really serious. 

It may seem cheesy, but I wasn’t really bothered by those dark grey clouds above our heads. Neil was my sun. Always has been, always will be. I didn’t need any stars in the sky, when I had one next to me all the time. 

« It’s gonna flood the boat, and she’ll sink, and we’ll sink with her, and then we’ll drown and die ! » he continued, laughing at his own stupid jokes. 

« Don’t you like rain ? » I asked, making him turn around and look at me, flashing his childish smile.

« Why would I like water that’s dropping from the sky when we already have zillions of tons of water underneath us ? » his hair was getting wet, but he didn’t seem to care. He didn’t seem to care about anything but me.

How our hands reach miles away

« That rain ain’t stopping », Neil groaned, his head almost glued to the cabin’s porthole. I could tell he was somehow admiring the storm outside, by the look in his eyes, but he was playing pretend, not to sound cheesy, or whatever that kind of things was like. 

« Well, in my opinion, I find it kinda neat », I countered, laying on one of the small beds.

I’m here for you

« You do ? Why ? » he asked, curiosity on his face when he turned around to look at me. Godamn, his face. My breath suddenly hitched, and I cursed myself mentally, hoping he didn’t notice. Why was I like that ? I hated the way I felt right now. Helpless, with no idea of what’s going on in my head. I tried to sit up, not wanting him to notice my embarrassment. 

I’m here for you

« Well… » I started, trying not to sound too panicked and struggling to find my words. « It’s beautiful, you know ? The way it directly falls into the ocean, the way the sea doesn’t reflect anything anymore, and the waves… Yeah, I really like tha- »

I’m right here

Neil was closer than before. Like, one or two feet closer. 

I’m right here

And he was staring at me. Intensely.

I’m right here

Oh God, his eyes.

I’m right here

How could I resist someone like him ?

I’m right here

But we didn’t belong together. Never did, never will.

I’m right here

Wasn’t he even closer ?

I’m right here

Godamnit, Neil.

I’m right here

His lips slowly brushed against mine, almost as if he was afraid to break me. 

« Are you okay with that ? » he whispered, his hot breath hitting my face.

Of course I was. But the words didn’t reach my mouth, and when I nodded, my brain not being able to process what was happening, it was a hundred times less visible than I intended. I was numb. Fortunately, he saw it and came even closer. His thighs were now pressed against mine, one step closer and he was on my lap. 

His lips tasted like sea and sun. They tasted like Bangkok. Or maybe the entire Thailand. Rain was pouring even more outside, but it somehow made us a quite pleasing background music. Neil tilted his head a little, as to deepen the kiss, and all the control I had on the situation was suddenly dead and gone. I wanted more. I wanted him, entirely. Soon, my lips were on his neck, tasting every inch of his skin, feeling each one of his sharp and irregular breaths.

Fuck what we were meant to be. Fuck the past. Fuck the future. Now was the only thing that mattered. 

& Time will stop

**Author's Note:**

> i know, the kiss was bad, sorry about that, i don't really know how to write them -_-  
> wanted to do a sad end but i think this one's not bad heheh  
> anyway, have a great day/night/whatever!!!  
> i love y'all


End file.
